


Can We Go Back?

by BabyChocoboAlchemist



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyChocoboAlchemist/pseuds/BabyChocoboAlchemist
Summary: “This isn’t just about you being manipulated, or you living on your own terms. I get all of that. Going against Doctor Maruki’s offer will mean giving up the happy lives my friends could lead. It’ll mean giving up on you. Letting you go. Again. Sorry for not going along with your parade, but this isn’t as easy as you want it to be for me!”A Shuake version of the discussion in Leblanc with Maruki. After a series of emotional trials and tribulations, revelations and adventures, Ren faces the possibility of losing his boyfriend all over again. Maruki presents him with an offer he’s finding difficult to refuse, but Akechi’s not at all in agreement with the doctor’s plans.In no light terms, Akechi tells Ren his opinion of Maruki’s offer. However, Ren struggles to cope with the idea of losing Akechi all over again. Will he accept the doctor’s offer? How will he react to Akechi’s stance on the matter?(in other words, me coping with a certain scene in Royal.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 20





	Can We Go Back?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Welcome to me coping with certain Royal scenes in 2021! I’m grateful you’re along for the ride!
> 
> What you’re about to read is my take on a certain conversation with Doctor Maruki. I’m a beginner in Akeshu/Shuake shipping, so please be patient with me, fellow Persona fans! I hope I did an okay job writing this.
> 
> A lot of the dialogue comes straight from the conversation. Some of it is slightly altered. But don’t worry-it won’t just be a copy and paste retelling of the scene. I injected doses of Shuake/Akeshu shipping into the scene, to make it easier for me to cope with it. And oh-the Protagonist's name in this is Ren Amamiya instead of Akira Kurusu, because I'm one of the five people that actually likes his second name ROFL.
> 
> I hope you’re able to enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for being here!

Just when Ren thought it was safe to come up for air, the mere art of breathing became excruciating labor. The shore he was so close to reaching suddenly went back to being a million miles away, never to be touched, felt, experienced by someone that was so desperate to walk upon it.

The urge to breathe had become an act of labor so intense, he would’ve preferred unplugging himself. Shutting himself off, so everything unfolding around him wouldn’t happen. But knowing the power of time, knowing of how it could mutilate even the most innocent of wishes, how it could move one from a fairy tale into a nightmare, he was forced to accept defeat. He stood there, rooted in place, all of him frozen save for his rapidly beating heart. A precious life, and his heart, were both dangling over the black pit of time-and nothing could be done about it.

Despite feeling the earth beneath his feet, he swore he must’ve been in a nightmare. His surroundings were familiar enough; he, Dr.Maruki and Akechi were in Leblanc, immersed in its warm brown colors and gentle, familiar fragrances. Morgana was tucked away in Ren’s bag, just as he had been so many times before, always listening, watching over his friend. The cat had gone stiff, frozen solid by the fear and nauseating horror permeating his friend’s stomach. All elements of the scene were familiar enough, but the otherworldy tension was thick enough to break any Persona’s blade.

Everything was frozen in place, but was also moving much too fast. Much too fast to keep up with, to comprehend, to cope with. Dr.Maruki, just as calm and gentle as ever, had just begun yet another explanation on why his line of reasoning was perfectly sound. A certain brunette had just walked into the nightmare, becoming one with not only Leblanc’s normally-soothing tones but also with the fragments of an already-terrifying maelstrom. Once again the detective’s eyes were void of any of their usual magic, just as cold and striking as the dark of night. “The relationship you two share is very unusual,” Maruki said, in the wake of Akechi’s entrance.

“A detective and a phantom thief. Despite being enemies, your relationship isn’t based on hatred or ill will. The two of you actually share a rather deep, profound connection. One meant to outlast time and even the threads of fate. Neither of you have ever experienced such a warm, powerful connection with another living creature. That’s why I found it so tragic when I learned what happened in Shido’s Palace.”

A soft frown spread across the doctor’s face. Despite his eyes being as gentle as moonlight, they burned right through Ren’s soul. “You must’ve regretted how things ended with him, Amamiya-kun. You two shared a bond deeper than the threads of time, very much like the bond I shared with my fiancée. You came to such a deep understanding of one another…yet you had no choice but to leave Akechi-kun to his fate. That’s why I created a reality where you two could have a fresh start together.”

Morgana’s whispers tore into Ren’s soul like daggers. “That would mean the Akechi in the real world is…”

A bittersweet smile replaced Maruki’s frown. “Get what I’m saying? I genuinely didn’t want to tell you like this. But I didn’t want to make it seem like I’m holding him hostage. No matter what you may think of me, though, I just want you all to accept this reality and move on with your happy lives.” He leaned forward, hands forming into a ball onto the table, face wreathed in the deepest concern. 

“The two of you have a chance to create a brand new, wonderful future together. One free of heartbreak and sadness. It’s not a life I will ever be able to lead with my Rumi, but it’s a life I would love to give to the two of you.”

“…and that matters _how,_ exactly?”

Ren’s and Maruki’s eyes bolted back over to Akechi. Morgana popped his head out of Ren’s bag, his wide eyes falling onto the Detective Prince. Akechi was just as resolute as he was moments before, venomous and unwilling to yield.

“Don’t tell me you think dangling my life before us is going to have any impact on our decision.”

The words flew out of Ren’s mouth in the blink of an eye. They felt so strange, so distant and disorienting, it was as if his voice had become someone else’s. “So you knew?”

“Well, I lacked conclusive evidence. But after I fought against you all, I had a gap in my memory that ended with meeting up with Ren again. There were also the cases of Wakaba Isshiki and President Okumura…of course I’d find all of that suspicious.”

As Morgana leapt out of Ren’s bag, Maruki let out a gentle sigh. Sadness and concern became one on a face gentle enough to calm the night. 

“I see. I had a feeling the truth of the matter still wouldn’t dissuade you, Akechi-kun. But how about you, Amamiya-kun? ‘You think dangling my life before us is going to affect our decision’? That’s what Akechi-kun said a moment ago. If that’s how you see it at this point, I’m fine with it…but I’m still going to ask you, one last time. Will you accept the reality I create for you? For both of you?”

Far beneath the surface of the earth, hidden from the sun and moon, was an eruption of nerves disrupting the fabric of reality. The same eruption going off in the pit of Ren’s stomach. Time was nothing and everything all at once. He had to decide, had to either accept or turn down everything that had just been laid out on the table, had to accept a happier future for his friends, for Akechi, or resign them all to a reality laden with heartache, struggles, loss-

“You were the guiding light to my research, my friend. You showed me the way so I could make my dream into reality. I have nothing but gratitude for you-not a single ounce of ill will. That’s why I wanted you of all people to understand. To have a chance at happiness I’ll never be able to have.”

He then rose to his feet, heart and mind starting to rejoin the world beyond the nightmare. “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask you for an answer on the spot like this. My apologies, Amamiya-kun. I’ll take my leave now.”

A force Ren couldn’t identify removed an object from his pocket, and slid the object across the table he had been sharing with Maruki. Once the latter picked it up, Ren realized he somehow gave the other a calling card. Curiosity erupted on the doctor’s face as a result. “Ah, that’s right. I’ve heard your calling,” he admitted before inserting the card into his pocket, then turning his back on the three of them.

“And about my question…I’ll be waiting at the Palace tomorrow, just as I promised. If you still haven’t changed your mind by then, we’ll meet there. But if you don’t show, I’ll take that to mean you’ve accepted my reality. See you.”

As quickly as he appeared, Maruki rejoined the outside world. The sound of the door closing behind him did nothing to jolt Ren out of his nightmare, though. Everything was still in place, frozen in time, poisoned by what was to come next. Morgana peered up into his friend’s face, blue eyes heavy with sadness, nerves, body and heart sensing what boiled within Ren.

“What are you gonna do?”

Akechi cut in between Ren and Morgana in an instant. “I’d like to speak with Ren alone, please.”

“…gotcha.”

Ren’s feline companion gave his guardian a bittersweet, mournful smile. “I’ll leave the decision up to you. Let me know when you’ve reached an answer.”

The cat bolted out of Leblanc, just as quickly as Maruki had. The second of silence between the café’s remaining two occupants was ephemeral but excruciatingly long. The anger coming off of Akechi’s very being was equally intolerable, nauseating, impossible to cope with. “I will carve my own path for myself,” the detective vowed, his voice quiet, wrathful. Ren balled his hands into trembling fists, teeth clenched, heart ready to burst out of his chest-

“I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.”

Ren’s voice was hoarse, tearful. “But then you’ll…”

“So what?”

“So _what?_ Is that all you’ve got to say?”

Everything was on the verge of boiling over. On the verge of taking over, ending, bleeding, blending loss and an empty future into one dark possibility. 

“You’re making this seem so easy,” Ren snarled, fingers digging into his palms hard enough to draw blood.

“Isn’t it? This is the path _I_ chose, after all. All you have to do is stick to your guns and challenge Maruki.”

Ren growled with an intensity that easily matched Akechi’s, tears and heartache spilling out with each breath, memories spilling onto the floor. “Easier said than done.”

“Are you really so _spineless_ you’d fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”

Anger was rising to match the heartache, cosmic and gritty, merciless and destructive. _“Trivial?_ Are we conveniently forgetting everything we’ve been though? Everything we’ve shared? Or does it mean absolutely nothing to you?”

“You’re making this much more difficult than it needs to be, Amamiya-kun. Do you really think I’d be happy with this? Being shown mercy now, of all times? I don’t want to be pitied by anyone-least of all you! And this isn’t a topic up for debate!”

“You don’t want me to pity you? Don’t you get it? Akechi, I-“

The venom in the detective’s voice was no different from a physical knife slowly skinning Ren alive. Every breath, every syllable, was a knife slowly, meticulously peeling the flesh off his bones. “Your indecisiveness on the matter is essentially a betrayal of my wishes.”

_“Once again, it’s not that easy! You’re making it seem like it’s not a big deal, but if I don’t accept Maruki’s offer, I’ll lose you all over again!”_

Ren’s pain was electric, pulsating through the cold, tense air, prompting Morgana to rush back into the café. The past and all of its warmth and wonder crashed into the present, cleaving him in two, grinding his insides into ash. “This isn’t just about you being manipulated, or you living on your own terms. I get all of that. Going against Doctor Maruki’s offer will mean giving up the happy lives my friends could lead. It’ll mean giving up on you. Letting you go. Again. Sorry for not going along with your parade, but this isn’t as easy as you want it to be for me.”

Ren hated it, hated it all. Hated the indecisiveness, hated the doubt, hated the possibilities. Hated the possibility of losing Akechi all over again. Hated himself. He hated it, hated it all, as it continued to grind his insides into ash. Hated-

How soft and warm Akechi’s body was, pressed up against his.

Morgana rushed back to Ren’s side as the detective cupped the other’s face, then peppered it with kisses, each one softer and sweeter than the last. Akechi then settled his forehead against the other’s, both of their eyes closed, both of them of one body, heart and mind, despite the tides rising against them. 

Silence was deafening, welcome, needed, feared. Akechi was the one to break it, his voice gentle, regaining some of the softness Ren heard during their first memories.

“Before I met you, my life was empty. Cold, meaningless, filled with only my loneliness and lust for vengeance. The more we learned about each other, the more I opened up to the infinite, magnificent possibilities life had to offer. Through you, because of you, I learned how to live. To believe in something other than my own misery and suffering. Through you, I became someone new. If you accept that man’s reality, you will erase everything I’ve become. Everything we shared.”

“I may be in the new world he creates, but it won’t be the ‘me’ you see before you. It’ll be the Goro Akechi he WANTS you to see. So please. Please don’t take his offer. Don’t betray what I’ve become. What you helped me to become. Don’t replace me with a lie.”

Ren fought for air, but found his throat and lungs only growing tighter. The edges of his eyes burned as he wrapped his arms around the other, peppering Akechi’s face in kisses, gripping onto the other as though they’d never meet again. In any dream, life time or moment. He hated it all, loved it all, needed it, wanted it all, had never been more afraid of it all his whole life. He wrapped his fingers around the back of Akechi’s head, and his fingers must’ve been digging so hard into the back of the brunette’s head, he must’ve been drawing blood, but he couldn’t let go. Not even when the detective lifted his forehead off of the others, did Ren loosen his grip.

“You have until the morning to make a decision. Until then, why don’t we spend some time together?”


End file.
